I’ve always been sensitive to criticism. I was about to type “a little sensitive” but that would be a lie. More than a little. Thanks, Mom.

FYI, there is no statute of limitations on blaming your parents.

Maybe a story for another day. Today’s story is emotion and Parkinson’s. If someone implies they don’t like something I wrote, or said, or wore, I feel that a faceful of salty tears isn’t far behind. Wait! I think I have just developed my personal DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness) for me alone. You may have heard of personalized medicine. Well, let’s call me a pioneer.

First, a disclaimer. I have no background in mental health. Also, I do not intend to mock or diminish anyone’s depression, no matter the type. This is simply a layperson’s taxonomy, me being said layperson.

First, we have the plain old garden variety that leads you to tell your best friend “I’m so depressed,” when you mean that the second date that you thought went so well never called. What is wrong with people?

Next up: Clinical depression, diagnosed by a mental health professional. You are probably medicated but sometimes this depression clings to you like moss to a tree. This is a bad kind to have.

PD (Parkinson’s Disease) Depression, has two sub-types (remember this is according to my personal DSM, which I just made up this minute.)

First, The physical and mental tag-team. It descends upon you without warning, sometimes even when you’re having fun. It consists of two or more symptoms in tandem: muscle ache plus depression, twitching plus depression, depression plus depression- you get the drift. It might stick around (God forbid you should get to enjoy your fun unadulterated for a while) for 20 minutes and retreat as quickly as it arrived, or it might last hours or even sometimes days. Take your pick. Ha ha that’s a joke. There are no choices in this game.

And if one more person tells me “of course you’re depressed, you have Parkinson’s,” one more time, I shall scream, teeth gritted, “THAT IS NOT IT. Depression is a SYMPTOM of PD, just like a tremor or reduced vocal power, or stumbling while walking, or….need I go on? Truth is, I’m not particularly depressed about having Parkinson’s. My episodic depression comes on like my tremor and often WITH tremor riding in the back seat, and departs when it feels like it, just like my tremor.

I know, I know, that was harsh. I truly don’t expect people to be well informed about this PD depression thing. Still, it’s frustrating to hear this misconception repeated over and over. Hmmm. Someone should start a blog (and perhaps a forthcoming podcast) detailing the ins and outs of Parkinson’s for the general public.

The other subtype is brought on by something external, often something so inconsequential that no normal person would take it as anything but a mild rebuke, if that, This subtype also includes the overreactors and the ruminators among us. I’ve always been this way, but the PD has amplified this phenomenon of increased emotional reactivity and vulnerability. Some Parkies, though, experience a lessening of emotion, often reflected by a blank, mask-like facial expression.

One of my favorite movie quotes comes from Albert Brooks in the film Broadcast News: “Wouldn’t this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If “needy” were a turn-on?”

While the weaponry in my arsenal of daily meds includes an anti-depressant, it doesn’t always cover all the bases. That’s when I sometimes turn to exercise if I can summon up the energy – a brisk walk, a spin on the stationary bike. Then there’s that rare breed, the actually funny sitcom (Curb Your Enthusiasm and its relative, Seinfeld), well, I’ll just say thank God for Larry David.

I do self-medicate on occasion. My meds of choice, all available over-the-counter, are red wine, and I love me a sweet liqueur – your Amaretto, your Chambord. Since you’ve come to expect the truth from me (I hope), I trust you’ll believe me when I tell you I don’t overdo it. Oh yeah, I forgot, to mention that I occasionally indulge in a wee bit ‘o the gummy. All of the aforementioned take the edge off, maybe once or twice a week.

Lightbulb! They should set up psychiatrists’ offices to resemble your neighborhood saloon. You, the patron of the establishment, sit on the bar stool. spilling your guts to the bartender, i.e. your therapist.

Do you think this has franchise potential?

And, while it’s not always easy, I’ve begun trying to find something joyful every day, It could be a just-ripe peach, a sniff of my favorite perfume, a Seinfeld rerun. A nice long chat with a friend I haven’t seen for a while always gives me a lift.

The saying goes, if you know one person with Parkinson’s, you know one person with Parkinson’s. I say, if you have Parkinson’s, you may have more than one symptom and one might very well be depression. However many you may have, make sure you take care of the one that people don’t see. 

Recommendations:

I may have mentioned these before but they’re definitely worth a second look. I’ve actually seen all of these more than once, and I’m not embarrassed to say I laugh at every funny scene each time as if it’s the first. I’m speaking, of course, of the films of Christopher Guest. Whether it’s the naive but loveable residents turned thespians of the town of Blaine, the pet owners seeking recognition at a stuffy dog show or the stars of the film Home for Purim, Guest skewers ordinary Americans in ways that make them extraordinary. You might want to save the films for when you’re feeling a bit low, but they’re fun any old time. And they can all stand a second viewing….or third, or tenth.

Here you go: The “Best in Show” works of Christopher Guest,
Waiting for Guffman
The residents of a small Missouri town put on a show hoping for a move to Broadway,,

Best in Show
These dog owners will try anything for a win at the prestigious Westminster Dog Show.

A Mighty Wind

A reunion of a 1960’s folk trio

For Your Consideration
Three actors are generating buzz at awards season